St. Louis, Missouri-
In yet another inauspicious even in the nature world, colonies of bees worldwide have begun to rape and pillage flowers across the country. The rumors have been “buzzing” since the first raids began, but we still do not have any concrete evidence as to why these bees have been so busy (raping and pillaging flowers).
(Editor’s Note: We apologize to any who have been offended by the awful “buzzing” pun used earlier in the article. This was a poor effort on the writer’s part, and we have since punished him, “Wicker Man” style. No, not the bees. We have replaced him with a less punny writer, who will continue the issue where we last left off.)
This display of “pollunconsensual sex” has yet to be addressed by the government, despite numerous requests to do so.
(Editor’s Note: We again apologize. We punished this last writer for his “pollunconsensual sex” pun by making him watch “The Wicker Man”. Yes, the bees. On account of too many shitty puns, we instead will leave you with this quote from one of the accused bees.)
“Buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz buzz. Buzzzzz.”