Student Declares Himself Too Cool for School, Dies of Hypothermia
Berea, Ohio-College student Anthony D’Amico passed away last Friday, after multiple people refused to help him, despite several desperate pleas for assistance.
Anthony, a former fraternity member and douchebag, screamed multiple times that he was too cool for school, and no one came to his aid. One anonymous person named Michelle Plunk stated, “Why would I help [Anthony]? He’s a doucher. He’s saying he’s too cool for school. Maybe if he wore more than just a thin frat T-shirt and athletic shorts, and wore a non-flat brim hat that covered his ears, he’d be a little warmer. I wish he’d just die.”
Fortunately for Michelle, and many others, he died of hypothermia. His declaration of being “too cool for school” was more than just bragging. Listed below is his will, which he requested to be revealed publicly.
Tony’s Will and Shit
To my broskis:
My flat brim hats
My “Nati’s”
My oversized monster pick-up truck
My Nickelback CD’s
My Tank Tops
My food, to smash on
To my girl:
My dick
To my family:
Fuck yourself
Last words: “You know Michelle, it would be pretty awesome to die while getting a blowjob.”
